Skate Number: 99.9
Astrological sign: Taurus, the true dominator of
Likes: Being half of an inpenetrable double block in
derby, rock-climbing- specifically the moment just
after the panic between exposed moves, running
down a mountain trail with a guy and a dog, feeling
the surge of power a fired up horse delivers upon
taking off into a full run, riding my motorcycle in
perfect weather, catching frogs with my kids,
holding a sleeping child of mine, DATENIGHT, laying
in bed with my guy watching Desperate Housewives
or Grey's Anatomy, and being right.
Dislikes: Shake n Bake beating my race time,
Tsumommy getting past me on the red line where I
can't plow her to the inside, long walks with young
children and broken strollers, having to stop magic
moments with my kids to persue the dull tasks of
life, that I am not a professional vacationer,
cleaning up a child's vomit at 2:00 am and 3:00 and
4:00..., and being wrong.
Injuries Sustained: Road Rash on the back.
Penalties: General out of control skating and closed
fist hits to the face.
Award/Good Behavior: Most Ferocious Blocker.
Profile: Socker Mom has power six times that of
the average human mom, living with a household
male to female ratio of 6:1. One husband, three
boycubs, one boy dog, and one boy fish- it's a beta.
She used her wiley woman powers to mix her
estrogen with the overflow of testosterone in her
house to create herself an incredible hulkess. She
uses this superhuman strength primarily as a
means to protect herself from three short but
powerful incoming superheros gone bad. But
Sockermom's kryptonite is the sound of a
screaching, crying baby feigning torchure for being
strapped in a carseat- but since she kept having
babies she needed to figure out a way to drive
faster to soccer practice, faster to violin... to get
through the pack, considering only herself and
leaving all others behind or in the ditch or worse.
She found roller derby a perfect avenue for
unleashing her pack dividing saavy and has now
developed a sick addiction to the thrill of stopping
and hurting anyone who would dare to pass her.